Left Behind
by carissima
Summary: She wasn't in the building, but she has scars from that day. A Brooke oneshot set after the school shooting.


**AN: One-shots are my new favourite thing. But I will update IW, soon, I promise! Thanks to Kayla for the beta. **

_Laughing … linked arms … a moment … just one moment. Locked gazes … a heartbeat away … out of time … Peyton … Haley … Lucas … Peyton? Peyton? Peyton_!

The silent scream died on her lips as the nightmare faded into a stark bright light of reality. It was too bright for her sensitive, aching eyes and caused her to curl into a smaller ball of comfort and protection from the outside world. From reality. From life.

Life was too painful to live. Understanding had come too late to save him, to save them. Guilt was useless and overwhelming and joy and love had faded into grey. She couldn't feel anything anymore, and who knew what to feel anyway? How could anyone feel happiness, when people were in so much pain? How could she smile, knowing that others would never smile again?

Images flashed through her mind as she stared at the window, unaware of the world outside her comfort zone. Images that meant nothing and everything to her. Images of things that may or may not have happened. How could she know? Her fear was immaterial, for she had been cocooned in safety. Her fear was not of dying. Her fear was for everyone she loved. Her whole life had been in danger, whilst she was protected, and that was her nightmare come true. Immobilised, she'd watched scenes play out in her hyperactive, clouded mind. She'd watched Haley cry over Nathan's lifeless body, and shared a tear with her. She'd seen Peyton sob uncontrollably as Lucas had fallen, a single bullet searing through his body, and she'd fallen apart, inconsolable. She'd been there with Haley as she'd faced a killer with strength and bravery, only to be silenced in a split second. She'd held Lucas' hand as Peyton took her last breath.

She'd gone through hell and back with them, yet she'd been all alone, with no-one to hold onto, no-one to comfort, and no-one to comfort her. Her imagined hell had been a prison she couldn't escape from, even as she'd watched everyone emerge, scathed but alive. She'd watched Peyton being taken away in an ambulance. She'd watched Lucas being checked over by officials and medics before she was enclosed in his embrace. Together, they'd watched Nathan and Haley walk out of the building, shaken but together. And she'd felt detached from it all.

The four of them had experienced something so terrible and scarring, yet they'd done it together. She'd been alone. She was always alone. She was so tired of being alone.

She'd been helpless as Karen and Lucas shared the grief and utter despair of Keith's death. She'd let go of Lucas' hand as he'd clung to Karen, and Karen had clung to him. And she'd been alone ever since. Nathan and Haley had been inseparable. Haley had moved into Nathan's house, leaving her alone in the apartment with only her thoughts and her fears. Peyton had been released by the hospital, but she'd remained aloof and distant after she'd confessed what had happened in the library between her and Lucas. And she hadn't seen Lucas since that day. That day … the day that had changed everything. That day that had taken her life away, without giving her a chance to fight for it. She could, and would, fight anything and anyone to keep her world, but she was powerless against this.

She'd curled up in her apartment and here she lay, still curled up and avoiding life. Days had passed without her seeing anyone, or anyone seeing her. The inevitable gossip would have been in full flow before normal school routine began.

_She wasn't even in there and she's acting like a victim … I heard Lucas and Peyton made out in the library and that's why she's hiding … She's locked herself in her apartment and she cries all day long because Lucas dumped her … She wants to pretend that she was in there, because all her friends were …_

Lucas, Haley, Peyton and Nathan could all share their pain, because they'd faced him. They'd stared at the weapon in his hand and risked death. Brooke had faced the fear of the unknown, and she'd done it alone. Surrounded by people facing the same fears she felt, she'd been detached and isolated.

She had no-one to talk to about her fears. There was no-one who went through her experience with her, nobody to share her experience with.

Nothing to feel.

Guilt riddled her emotions for even caring about her own fear, but she couldn't control the thoughts that pounded inside her head, giving her headache after headache. Maybe if she could talk to someone, she'd feel less lost and she'd start to gain some of her life back.

It was a big, gaping, ambiguous maybe.

A harsh, loud noise interrupted her weary thoughts.

Pulling herself out of bed, she padded lightly towards the door. She peered through the spy-hole and saw Nathan standing there, shuffling his feet and looking anywhere but at the door. Nathan, who she hadn't seen since the day he'd carried Haley's boxes out of the apartment.

"What are you doing here, Nathan?" Brooke asked wearily through the door.

"Checking to see if you're okay," he said awkwardly.

"I'm fine," Brooke said softly before turning on her heel and heading back to bed, ignoring his muffled words and more knocks on the door.

Finally, he gave up, and left Brooke to the sweet solitude of silence.

A sweet solitude of silence with nothing but intruding thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone, to be exact.

Or a ringing telephone that wouldn't stop. Until the blessed machine clicked in.

She heard her brief message, recorded the day after the shooting. The day after Haley had moved out. Her voice sounded lifeless and hopeless, with its mere instruction to 'Leave a message.'

"Brooke, its Peyton. I haven't heard from you in a few days, and I'm a bit worried. Call me when you get this, okay? Please?"

Then the second click, telling her that Peyton had hung up.

She didn't want people to worry about her. She hadn't been through half as much as the others. She should be worrying about them, not the other way around. Except her worrying had been unwelcome, overshadowed or unwanted. And that's how she felt.

"Brooke Davis, if you don't open this door right now, I'm going to just use my key and come in," Haley's yell broke through the silence.

She wished her luck, since she'd changed the locks the day of the shooting. The day Haley had left. The day she'd been left alone.

A rattle, a curse and what sounded like a kick at the door later, and she pulled the covers back over her head, curled back into her fetal position and tried to block everything from her mind.

_A split second … the glint of metal … pulling Peyton down … heart-stopping … hearing the screams … feeling the rush of bodies … the panic … the terror … survival instinct … loss … fear … loneliness …_

An unfamiliar sound reached her ears. It sounded like something sliding across the floor, but that was impossible. She waited, but she heard nothing else. Kicking herself inwardly, curiosity got the better of her and she climbed out of bed with the covers still wrapped around her. Peering out of the bedroom door, she slowly looked around until her glance fell on an envelope, lying in the middle of the room. She inched towards it warily.

Casting a final glance around the room, she bent to pick up the envelope, to find it blank. She carefully pried it open and slid out the note inside. Opening it up, she blinked twice before reading it.

_If I told you this was killing me, would you stop? I love you._

Her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes filled. Her legs buckled slightly, before she reached out to steady herself by the door.

"Lucas …" the name escaped her lips before she could stop it.

"Lucas …" she echoed as she turned and gazed at the door. The red door.

"Lucas?" she whispered as she opened the door.

He was standing there, looking as terrible as she felt. Behind him were Nathan and Haley, holding hands, yet they didn't look good either. Next to them was Peyton, on crutches and with dark circles around her eyes.

"I can't …" Brooke whispered, the pain around her heart intensifying.  
"You have to let us in, Brooke," Lucas gazed at her steadily. He held out his hand.

"I can't," Brooke repeated, her heart breaking as she looked at her friends. Her life.

"You have to," Lucas repeated. "We can't do it alone."

"You aren't alone," Brooke closed her eyes and murmured the words almost to herself. "You were together."

"You were alone, Brooke," Haley said softly. "But not now."

"I don't know what to do," Brooke said painfully as she looked at her broken friends.

"Neither do we, Brooke," Peyton said, just as painfully.

"We'll get through this together," Haleymurmured as she looked up at Nathan.

"It's the only way we'll make sense of it all," Nathan agreed as he brought Haley closer to him.

"Let us in, Brooke," Lucas asked, his hand still outstretched.

Brooke looked up at him and saw the raw anguish in his eyes. She looked at Peyton, who looked wounded. She looked at Nathan and saw a shadow in his eyes. She looked at Haley and saw tears shimmering, threatening to spill. Blindly, she put out her hand and found it captured by Lucas'. He pulled her towards him and hugged her close, whispering words of comfort and pain against her hair. The ache around her heart eased ever so slightly. She felt more arms circle around her. The pain receded a little more.

It would never be okay. Nothing would ever make sense of that day. But she didn't feel so alone anymore. Each of them had their demons, but that was okay. They'd make sense of their experiences, because each of them had been on their own that day. But that was okay. Everything would be okay. Now.


End file.
